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F e a t u r e ö bats in the sock drawer - the silent epidemic

by Raj V. Speckles
July 2000

According to Violet P. Smith, SAS, Phd, of the Institute of Statistical Information, one out of every three households will suffer from this all-too-common affliction. Like gingivitis or fallen arches, it's not a problem to which people often or easily admit. Can anything be done?

Our correspondent Raj V. Speckles traveled to Transylvannia to consult with Dracula, the world's leading bat researcher. Read on for Dracula's expert analysis. Note: Although the family is real, their names have been changed.

Case Study: The Genner family.

Jackson Genner came home from grocery shopping to find his terrified wife and children huddled in the kitchen. Jennifer Genner clutched a pancake flipper in one white-knuckled hand. Toddler Genney Genner was silent, her 10 year old brother Gerry wide-eyed and sobbing. Scooter, the family cat was asleep under the table.

Analysis

A classic case of bats in the sock drawer, opined Dracula. Clearly, Scooter's trauma won't be easily treated, but there is hope. First and foremost, the family must leave the windows open at night. Bats hate fresh air. But they love garlic, so removing all garlic and garlic-based food items (this includes garlic powder) from the house will help keep the pesky critters from making a prolonged visit. Lastly, silver reminds bats of the moon and on cloudy nights in particular, silver can draw bats to your home -- and your sock drawer! Removing all silver items such as candlesticks, mirrors, crosses and jewelry readily solves this problem.

Prognosis

Scooter has an excellent chance of recovery. "Pet him," advised Mr. Dracula. "Pet him a lot."

Author's note

When members of our editorial staff contacted the Genner family about a month after their terrifying ordeal, they reported Scooter had made a complete recovery.

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