F e a t u r e ö Alien!
Flying Object Identified
Alien Vessel Lands
Bizarre. Uncanny. Stunning. Awesome. Yes. It's happened. A UFO landed today in a remote section of California. At first, local residents thought the craft was another hanglider interrupting an end-of-summer barbeque but the mistake was soon evident. The vessel, as seen in this exclusive photograph taken by a jewel ön line correspondent, is plainly of a technology more advanced than our own.
Attempts to interview eye-witnesses met with failure. Responses ran the gamut from "Eh?" to "Pop me another brewski, will ya?" Jewel's on-staff psychologist, Melanie S. Skullpepper, Phd., stated, "Such responses are quite typical of Post UFO Sighting (PUS) Syndrome.
Another Jewel exclusive photograph captured the alien pilot as it decended from the craft. Study of this extreme close up reveals a disturbing resemblance to a bowl of vegetable soup. The creature appears to have more than one head and to be waving several arms. At least one expert posulated it may have hoped to cadge a beer.
Jewel will keep you posted as more details emerge.